A Nighttime Panic Attack and the Power of a Simple Question
At 3 a.m., I sat straight up in bed…
Suddenly wide awake, I realized my heart was pounding, my mind racing. Our family has been going through some tough stuff behind the scenes (who isn’t?), and as I hurried from my bed to splash water on my face in the bathroom, and then back to my bed, and then to the window, and then basically in circles, I realized I was in the middle of a full-blown panic attack.
I grabbed my phone from the closet and dialed Freddie. “Jo?” he said, as if from a dream.
“I’M FREAKING OUT,” I said, my eyes wild and searching. “Will you ask me questions to calm me down?”
“Yes!” he replied, without skipping a beat. “What are your favorite fruits in fruit salad?” Now, as I write this, the question makes me laugh, but at the time, it felt like an absolute life raft.
“Cantalope,” I said. “Grocery stores put in too much, but I like some.”
“What else?” he asked. “Berries?”
“Strawberries, yes, but not raspberries.” I said. “Maybe apples? My mom puts in sliced banana, which is better than you’d expect.” Suddenly, my heart leapt back into my throat, and, while pacing around the bed, I raised my voice: “What else? Freddie, please ask me something else.”
“What’s Anton reading in school right now? A Raisin in the Sun?” he said. “What’s that about? Who are the characters?”
So, I told him about the 1959 play by Lorraine Hansberry about a family in Chicago. Then he asked me to walk him through my childhood house, and tell him the cultural differences I’ve observed on Love Is Blind: Italy. (I had THOUGHTS.) By the time we hung up, an hour later, I was back in my body and could breathe normally once again.
Today, while I work and pay bills and ferry my children to school and back, I keep thinking of Freddie, standing at the front of his classroom, explaining the American Revolution to his high school students, maybe sneaking in a yawn now and again, rubbing his dry eyes, preparing to return home to tend to his own two children at the end of the day. As I picture him, with salt and pepper hair, tired but steady, I realize that, somehow, “what fruits do you like in fruit salad” at 3 a.m. is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me. This is love; what a gift.
Have you ever woken up like this? How do you calm yourself when your mind starts spiraling? Nothing like that has ever happened to me before!
The Healing Power of Connection
The comments section of this post is filled with stories of people who have experienced similar moments of panic and the different ways they’ve found to cope. From grounding techniques to calling a loved one for support, there’s a shared understanding that sometimes all we need is someone to remind us we’re not alone.
One reader shared a method that works every time: naming five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. Another talked about the importance of therapy and medication, while others mentioned the power of music, meditation, or even a simple hug from a partner.
There were also discussions about the role of hormones, especially perimenopause, in triggering these episodes. Many readers shared how hormonal changes have affected their mental health, and how finding the right treatment—whether it be HRT, supplements, or lifestyle changes—has made a world of difference.
One comment stood out: “It happens to me if I overeat and go to bed with a too full stomach. I take a spoonful of bitters then make a chamomile tea and meditate to find out what woke me – but it’s almost always digestive, in my case…when it’s not, a good meditation helps me return to center.”
Another reader shared how she used to suffer from late-night panic attacks and found relief in binge shopping online. “Shout out to the manager at my local Anthropologie who accepted my sad reason for weekly piles of returns without blinking an eye,” she wrote.
Finding Strength in Vulnerability
Many readers emphasized the importance of knowing what you need and asking for help. One comment read: “You have a solid partner but more importantly – you know yourself.” This sentiment resonated with many, highlighting the value of self-awareness and communication in times of distress.
Another reader shared how her husband would sit with her during panic attacks, asking her to describe the room, the sounds, the feelings. “He knew exactly what to do,” she wrote. “It was like he had been through it before.”
Some readers also spoke about the emotional toll of living through difficult times, especially as a mother. One wrote: “It’s a wonder any of us are functioning right now. And then add in the many stressors of the mid-life woman, a most resilient creature, but also one most likely at THE END OF HER GD ROPE.”
A Community of Support
The comments section became a space for healing, where people shared their struggles and offered advice to others. It was clear that no one was alone in their experience, and that there was strength in vulnerability.
One reader wrote: “This story makes me simultaneously sad for you that you are going through a rough time but also happy for you that you found someone that knows immediately what to do to help you, this is such a gift <3.”
Another added: “I’m so glad you have someone to calm you down and more importantly, that you were strong enough to ask for help.”
Final Thoughts
This post reminded everyone that even in the darkest moments, there is hope. Whether it’s a simple question from a loved one, a grounding technique, or the support of a community, there are ways to find peace and healing.
As one reader put it: “Nothing like that has ever happened to me before!” But for those who have experienced it, this story serves as a reminder that you are not alone—and that sometimes, the smallest acts of kindness can make the biggest difference.
